there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
