You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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