You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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