They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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