FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
