he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
