Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
