and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
