Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
