i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
