He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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