Where is the hickey?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
