i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
