if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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