man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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