we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
