He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
