Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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