just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize