He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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