HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
