i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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