I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
You're a waste of cheezeits
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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