Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize
