But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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