I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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