my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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