Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
