I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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