my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
