CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
