Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
