you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
this is an emotional support booty call
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Randomize
