I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
