mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
