i think my mom watched the whole time
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
