I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
BRING THE BAGELS
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
