Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
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