My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
