I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
