I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
