How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Come see our sink grown plant.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
