I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
