new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
