Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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