I'll bet she douches with gravy.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
