All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
