i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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