So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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