So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
