Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
