Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
