Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
send nudes
from the living room?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
