I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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