you turned your livingroom into a bong?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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