The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
