8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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