Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
