Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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