Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
