he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
