yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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