happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize