It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
