I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
