I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
