Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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