I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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