I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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