We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Randomize
