I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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