Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
