i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Randomize