I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
