How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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