Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
