Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
