Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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