There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
