She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
