the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
