Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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