Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize