Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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