I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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