That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
