his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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