Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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