And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
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