Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
