you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
