I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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