i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
