Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize