then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Randomize
