i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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