what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Randomize
