I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
