it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
