Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize
