my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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