You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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