Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
