i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Randomize
