yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
