was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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