My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he's gonorrhea incarnate
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
