Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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