I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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