i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
