Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
