ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
