Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize