Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
