Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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