could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
