pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
