So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
