at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
