The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
