But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize