There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
